I can honestly say I learn something new everyday about being a mom. Being responsible for two completely different little people is exhausting. It is also the best thing to ever happen to me. I learn patience, I learn how to handle problems, I learn so many things, a list wouldn't do them justice.
I like to think that I've had a pretty easy time with my girls, but they're still pretty young and I'm sure the hard times are yet to come. My baby is such a sweet girl all the time. She loves to snuggle, is usually happy (except when she's hungry or tired,) and just has the best little toothy smile. I could just give her hugs and kisses all day long. Which she has just finally learned how to do with me, yay! Although her kisses are full of slobber I adore each and every time I get one!
I can't believe how fast she is growing, it feels like just yesterday she was this tiny little thing I was afraid I was going to break every time I touched her. Now, she has four teeth, is crawling all over the house, trying to run away from me when she knows she has something she shouldn't, and is getting really close to walking. She's getting the cutest little personality and she is such a little love bug, just typing about her makes me smile.
My three year old on the other hand is a completely different story. She is so independent nowadays I can barely get her to sit with me for five minutes. It makes me so sad. She's crazy, messy, cries when she doesn't get her way, and so frustrating at times. Does that make me love her less? Absolutely not. I often times have to just remind myself that she's three and that's what three year olds do.
I think back to the days when I was a new parent and how perfect she was to me. That little bundle of love that I couldn't look at enough. That innocent little girl is right behind those beautiful big brown eyes. Only now she likes to be crazy. My husband and I have to remind ourselves every day of her age because she can be so frustrating at times. It's so hard to not be angry when she spills paint into the carpet, or smears gummy snacks onto the walls, brings what feels like hundreds of toys out to the living room and just leaves them. That's what three year olds do. They make messes, they tell you "no" when you ask them to do something, they are just trying to figure out how far they can push you because they are trying to be independent. I think having a toddler definitely teaches you some patience, which has never been my strongest quality. I learn every day to just take a breath and let her be herself.
We have hit the stage where we have to be careful of what we say around our toddler because she likes to imitate. We have had her say "gosh darn it," but in words we don't want her to repeat just because she heard someone say it. How innocent she is to repeat something because she heard an adult say it, and how confused she looks when we told her she can't say it. It's hard to teach your children to have clean language when the world around you has such fowl mouths. Our biggest teaching moment just has to be to teach by example. I am so thankful that I met a man who has great morals and will be a great example for my kids. I have to pray everyday that we are able to teach and be a good example for our girls.
Being a parent is also about worrying. Something I do all day long. I worry about someone hurting them, I worry about them not getting what they need. I worry about them not eating enough, about them not getting enough sleep. I worry that they will get into something that will make them sick. I worry when they don't look clean, or when they're sick. I just want the best for them. And I worry sometimes that I am not giving them everything they need. That's when I turn to my Heavenly Father and pray. I know that no one can love them as much as I do, and I know that they are in a happy home. And that, unfortunately, is more than many kids can say. I know I should worry less, but I don't think I ever will.
Being a parent is just the most rewarding feeling. When I get those little kisses from my baby, or my toddler turns to me and says, "Mommy, I love you," I can't help but forget about any of the frustrations I have been having. Those are the moments I live for. When I hear people say they don't want children, it makes me sad. I know some people do not deserve children, but how can you not want someone who will love you despite all of your flaws, someone who looks past your mistakes and at the end of the day still loves you more than you deserve? I used to be that person. And I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father and my husband for giving me the gift of two little lives that have changed mine forever. I guess you don't ever understand until you have a child, but I can't imagine what my life would be like without them. My life is complete because of them. Challenging yes, but complete.
I guess my point is, kids are worth whatever fears you have. They are worth the messes. They are worth the headaches. They are worth skipping that party and that night out drinking. They are worth being the responsible adult that doesn't see friends as much because you're busy being a better parent. And whenever someone says I was too young to have kids, I tell them they are wrong. My girls made sure I wasn't making stupid decisions. I wasn't out drinking, I wasn't out hooking up with random people, I was being an awesome parent. My husband and my children are worth more to me than any party I could have gone to, than any friend I can have, and spending time with them is more valuable and fulfilling than anything I could be doing. Yes, I have my hands full, but they're full of love, happiness, and beauty. Being a mom is the most rewarding "job" I could have ever asked for. I didn't know how much I was missing out on until I knew how much love my heart could hold.
Julie
